so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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