What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
