Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
