i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
