i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
