chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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