ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Never joke about your clitoris.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
