Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
