Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
