I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
