I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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