About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
