9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
