ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
