I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
being pregnant is like rehab
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
