btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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