would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
