soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
