That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
