In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Randomize
