Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
