Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
