hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
