If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
