i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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