is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Never underestimate the power of titties
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
