No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
