I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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