Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
