You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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