All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
