When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Say something about gay babies.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
