And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
