You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
