Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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