drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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