haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
