Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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