I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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