this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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