I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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