I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Randomize
