He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
