They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
