Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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