I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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