Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
