About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
