When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
