It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
